Bizarre Bazaar

One Thursday night a long, long time ago, I stumbled across a peculiar event around the corner from the Ivy. There were tall models poised on podiums, a canopy of empty bird cages, and a myriad of designer and vintage boutiques. I remember being disappointed no performances were happening on the small stage that was set up, but I was especially disappointed by my dismal financial situation. Browsing the stalls on that chilly night, I kept uncovering all these amazing items which pulled on my heart strings – one gorgeous vintage jumper in particular, I'd just wanted to cover myself in.

Unfortunately I could do nothing but stand there freezing my tits off, looking all sad and miserable and trying to telepathically make the shopkeeper think "ohmigawd this poor lonely sad boy looks really desperate and poor and I should gift him a jumper to make him feel better". My mind control powers must be lacking because it didn't seem to work. But it was really cold. Even the models were huddled together. To what effect I have no idea.

I however, did find out more about the event - it was Bizarre Bazaar. I dare you to say it ten times really fast. The markets pops up every second month in Sydney's Angel Place and hosts over thirty emerging designers. The next one is taking place on July 19th - just enough time to save one fortnight worth of pay!

Oversized Toddlers & Tiaras

American Retro shirt
Elgar&Lyle necklace
Ksubi jeans
Dr Marten boots

As some of you may know, I was nominated for Pedestrian.TV Blogster of the Year Awards. I was actually super surprised and flattered to be one of twenty fashion finalists as there were over 3000 blogs submitted. The competition was fierce, with many great blogs in the running and I'd like to congratulate every single one of them as they all deserved to win in their own right. Sadly I didn't take out the victory, however the lovely girls at Sargasso Sea did. I was ecstatic for them because their blog is amazing and they are the most fabulous girls, so check them out!

But unfortunately everyone knows there's no fun in losing, so I decided to award myself a crown because as my second grade teacher always told me, "everyone is a winner". And really, any reason to flaunt a diamante-encrusted tiara is a good enough for me. 

When I saw this American Retro shirt with its awesome psychedelic print, it instantly caught my attention and I knew I had to wear it. And where better than the award night? This particular print reminds me of a mash-up of trippy hippies, Pacman and general awesomeness. Wearing it honestly made me feel like I was dancing in my own groovy music video clip that night, kinda like the segue scenes from That 70s Show. People also seemed to love my necklace, commenting on how well it complemented the shirt. It actually hangs halfway down the chest and it took some effort to customise the length for it to sit underneath my collar. 

For this very special event I thought I would also bring along my boyfriend for moral and physical support. Isn't he a stunner? The strong and silent type, with a six pack of abs and broad shoulders for me to cry on when I didn't win. Basically perfection... disregarding his missing limbs and head. Oh and let's not talk about the Ken doll situation going on in his groin area. It doesn't matter because we're in love.   

Just Cavalli dress
Jeffrey Campbell wedge boots
ASOS necklace & clutch

The peekaboo cuts in Lola's Just Cavali dress are a little risque, but the cuts in her hair aren't. She was deeply saddened by the fact that I no longer wanted to be mistaken as her sibling so in a last ditch attempt to steal my thunder, she trimmed her long luscious fringe so that we could look related once more. Just one of her many psychopathic tendencies I guess.

Too bad she wasn't hardcore enough to buzz her sides as skin-short as I did. But if we get enough messages from you guys saying how much of a sick bitch she would look with side shaves, I'm sure she would reconsider. Or I'll just do it while she is asleep...

Sportsgirl nail polish in 'Fresh'

Photographs by Lola.

Real life runway

After watching countless Sex and the City marathons, alone... in my bedroom... with my dog (I'm not a cat person)... I came to a sudden realisation of what I wanted to do with my life. My previous dreams of being part of the Power Ranger gang, hanging out with Alpha 5, and beating up badies quickly vanished in light of my new passion. I wanted to be a strong, career focused woman whom was able to afford the finer luxuries of life. Like really, an apartment in New York, expensive lunches, dinners, drinks as well as amazing designer outfits every week all on a freelance writer budget? Yes Carrie Bradshaw, you have given not just me but every person out there unrealistic dreams.

Except sometimes dreams do come true (Queue cheesy inspirational music)

At MBFWA, I wrote about how Nicole Warne from Gary Pepper Vintage was lucky enough to open Talulahs show. Likewise in Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw also opens a fashion show but somehow trips, falls and becomes fashion road kill. And yet, in that moment of helplessness she is still able to give relevant information to the teens of today. "When real people fall down in life, they get right back up and keep walking". Oh Carrie, what would we do without your insightful information about 'real people'.

Even though I haven't really fallen down in life, I did want to strut my stuff down a runway. So in light of this new discovery I knew there had to be change. One of the changes had to be, well getting a job. There ain't no runway without a job. 

So how do you change your perception of a rapscallion teenager to a respectable unemployed bum person. With a makeover change that would rival any teen movie. (Don't worry guys it wasn't surgical)

Jack London Coat
Polo Ralph Lauren Plaid Shirt
Polo Ralph Lauren Plaid Cardigan
Sass and Bide jeans
Aldo Brogues
Vintage Briefcase
Salvatore Ferragamo Tie

This is my go-to outfit for looking all important and meeting other such important people like future employers, girlfriends parents or the check out chick when I want to buy milk at the corner store. I mean its basically flawless. Except I do think I'm wearing every single colour known to man. And that's going to cause a problem when I upload this on Lookbook and I can only choose five options for the colour palette. Decisions decisions decisions.

Oh! And this tie! It has turkeys on them. Can it get any better than that?

Long-lost Lola

Nathan Smith shirt
Saxony jeans
Leather jacket from random Asian store
Sperry Top-Sider boat shoes

When I introduced Lola to my sister, she proclaimed how Lola looked more related to me than she did. Going by the reactions received whenever we go out, I was starting to believe it was true. Lola and I, Siblings? Could this be true? I quickly sought out my mother to ask her if she had given a daughter up for adoption. Because frankly, the question of me being adopted would never arise seeing as no one would willing disown me, right? My mother, however, wasn't very helpful. She was just head over heels excited that I had brought home a girl, and was asking if we wanted a Spring or Fall wedding. Typical.

But really, you know you have a problem when you look in the mirror and another persons face stares back at you. Not like in a horror movie scenario, where you wake up and look in the bathroom mirror and ohmygawd is that my long lost sister who drowned in a well and is coming back to haunt me because my mother loved me more. More like when you go to your nose job appointment asking to look like Gwyneth Paltrow and come out looking like Shrek. Yes I just made similarities between Shrek and Lola <3

So what better way to break the similarities than a new nose job! I kid I kid. I just got a haircut. One that would help differentiate us and accentuate my lack of facial features, you know high cheek bones, square jaw, big dreamy eyes.

I also brought out these boat shoes that are in the most difficult colour to work with. Right now the only thing I wear with it is the Nathan Smith shirt which is in the same colour because all the fashionistas give me +10 points for colour co-ordinating.

American Apparel dress
Linda's chiffon shawl
Freelance ankle boots
ASOS necklace
Sunglasses from eBay

Photographs by Lola.

Got Wood?

I know what you are thinking, and I regret to inform you that it is true. Yes, I have shed my flamboyant, colourful, too-gay-to-function personality and gone back to the roots of masculinity and biological purpose: to chop god-damn wood.

Wheels & Dollbaby shirt
Sass and Bide Jeans
Nathan Smith shirt
Leather jacket from a random Asian store
Doc Marten boots
Ralph Lauren bag

Giles and Brothers leather bracelet

Gone are the days of spending hours in a shopping mall looking at clothes, drinking our decaf soy lattes. Now I spend my time living in a cabin, probably made out of wood, in the middle of the woods, chopping, well you guessed it, more wood. It's like this beautiful harmonious cycle of a lumberjack.

Heh who am I kidding? Me? Chopping wood? Unless I'm chopping a Chloe tree with maybe a Prada axe? But why is the flannel shirt such a masculine piece of clothing? I wore it and all my friends were like, "Flannel? Really?" like it's now a fashion crime for me because I lack the testosterone. Am I really exiled into a flannel-less world? To be honest, I thought I looked quite heterosexual. No one else did. In fact, they laughed when I said that. I don't blame them, you can see in the background of these photos I actually shopped at Pitt St Mall until it closed.

But seriously why is Wheels and Dollbaby, an Australian brand known for their feminine pin-up doll clothing making masculine flannel shirts? I mean designers spend lots of resources moulding their brand into a particular image. Maybe they were targetting the male demographic that want to appease their inner woman by going one step closer to wearing a skimpy tight dress.

I can just see it now.

If you haven't died from all the faggotry from this post I thought I would try and inject more masculinity in this post. Because Lola obviously is more of a man than I'll ever be. It's like that Freaky Friday movie. We are stuck in each others' bodies. 

HELP

Zara coat
Sass & Bide pants
Boots from eBay

Photographs by Lola.